You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
