onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
