Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
