It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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