somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Randomize
