you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
