I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
last night I used snow as a chaser
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize