batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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