So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Randomize
