is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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