You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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