Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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