Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
