why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
