So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
