so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
