i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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