it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
