Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
