To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
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