Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
