Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
if only i could text you this smell
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
