can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Randomize
