remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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