ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
