A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
