Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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