I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize