I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
they're like a gay fantastic four
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize