All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
