if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
