Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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