You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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