I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
