she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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