I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
