Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
