dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
