dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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