Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
