It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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