u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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