u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
We are all done wearing pants today
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
