You're completely useless in the revolution.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
