I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
