Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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