I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize