I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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