How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
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