Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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