My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
