Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
