I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
