She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
im drinking this country out of the recession.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
