um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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