Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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