Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
