cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
