I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Randomize
