I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
