I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
