I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize