I got chris browned last night
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
