mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
