Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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