What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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