yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
