whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize