I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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