So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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